I am sick of your engagement photoshoots. So I did my own. | Brooke Cartus

In June of 2015 the amazing comedian Brooke Cartus came to me with a photo project making fun of engagement photo shoots.  She posted it to her blog where it was seen by a whole mess of folks.  I just figured out how to cross publish blog posts to my blog, which is why you now see it here, damn near a year later.  This blog is reprinted with permission from Brooke Cartus.  Go check out her blog, “Size L for Lady” here.

I am sick of your engagement photoshoots. So I did my own.

Posted on June 16, 2015 by bcartus

If I had a nickel for every ridiculous engagement photoshoot I’ve seen on social media… I would have a f*ckton of nickels. Why are we doing this? Why do we jump at any chance to rub our happiness in the faces of our former high school friends and that one guy you hooked up with in college who *somehow* found you on Facebook?

As someone who just successfully exited a long term relationship (and by successful, I mean that she moved out and I got the bulldog), the most infuriating part of trying to veg out on my smartphone on the couch before GoT is the bombardment of cheesy, OBVIOUSLY staged engagement photos or my personal favorite… just photos of a couple being perfect because even though they aren’t engaged, their friend is a photographer and needs to update his portfolio. You know what I’m talking about… the gorgeous, angelically lit woman, leaning against a tree with her high heels casually draped over her shoulder, the man in a blazer leaning in as they touch foreheads. WHO ACTUALLY DOES THIS? My favorite is just shots of like…. their shoes. Or hands. Or just… a flower. (Some gems can be found here.)

Being engaged is great. Being married is great. But you know what else is great? Being single and not giving a shit about what bridesmaids’ colors that are trending this fall. I am my own partner, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, in dire hangover or boozy brunch. So in honor of all the single ladies and gents (whether straight, gay, queer, or D. all of the above) and all the great and/or questionable life choices we DON’T get to memorialize and rub in everyone’s faces, I present to you:One Night Stand: Brooke & Her Happy Life {wedding not required.}



-You always have to have a shot of the shoes…


-Is that “The God Delusion” by Richard Dawkins? This guy might be a keeper.


-A shot of last night’s final moments… in the afterglow of an Ikea lamp. Why did we even pour those last drinks? No one needed another drink.


-Always use protection.


-No photoshoot is complete without a shot of the feet. (SHIT. I rhymed. Whatever.)


-Who said love is dead? I did.


-Where am I?


-Oh… right.


-Let me just… grab my phone… and not wake him up….


-Shit. Do we high five? Hug? Fist bump? Okay we are hugging! He better not put his hand on my ass.


-There is no way I can put these heels on. But they looked killer last night.


-And she lived happily ever after… for now. With some gravel in between her toes.


OOPS. I almost forgot…

-I have to dreamily look to the sky while holding my shoes!! It’s crucial to being happy forever.


{Thank you to Michael Meyers for being my one night stand-in and Erik Tait for his amazing photography. You think Brooke is funny? Check out her album on iTunes, Size L for Lady.}


Source: I am sick of your engagement photoshoots. So I did my own. | Brooke Cartus