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IBM Gold Cups Close Up Competition 1st Place

I’m 80% Certain This Is A Dream The picture you see above was taken at 7:45 on July 7th of 2018. It’s the president of the International Brotherhood of Magicians awarding me first prize in the IBM Gold Cups Close Up Competition. I’m floored and humbled and beside myself and still can’t quite believe it’s…

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No Such Thing As Magic

I completely forgot to post this.  I wrote it last year, and a magazine published it. This essay was written during the lead up to a two week run of Please Shuffle The Cards. I’m in the middle of re-mounting that show at a bunch of theaters this very week. Read my essay, “There’s No…

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This Is A Story All About Binary

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Pokemon Go Explained To People Who Don’t Understand What The Fuck Is Going On

  A lot of people have asked me what Pokemon Go is. I think it’s time we had an explanation for people who don’t quite understand. I’ve been a fan of Pokemon for twenty years. When you live with affection in your heart for something that long you learn to explain it to people in…

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A Solution To A Problem

A few days ago as of this writing a gorilla was shot at the Cincinnati zoo in order to protect a child that had fallen into it’s enclosure.  It is tragic all around.  I’m not here to present blame.  It is absolutely not the fault of the zoo.  Even an ardent conservationist like myself believes…

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I am sick of your engagement photoshoots. So I did my own. | Brooke Cartus

In June of 2015 the amazing comedian Brooke Cartus came to me with a photo project making fun of engagement photo shoots.  She posted it to her blog where it was seen by a whole mess of folks.  I just figured out how to cross publish blog posts to my blog, which is why you…

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Bathroom Strategy

There is currently a spat going on in the United States regarding who should use which bathroom. The argument is largely that trans folk should be required to use the bathroom that corresponds with their gender assigned at birth. The reasoning behind this seems to be, if we don’t legislate bathroom policy men will figure…

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A 20 Year Fan of DC Reviews Dawn of Justice

Recently my good friend Dustin Meadows asked me to join the cast of Whiskey Bear Comedy Presents: The Roast of Batman.  Whiskey Bear Comedy does periodic roasts of fictional characters which are lots of fun.  Usually some of Columbus’ finest comedians dress up as iconic characters and write cutting jokes about pop culture icons.  In…

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The Lost Art Of The Stick Shift

In general I am a man who is obsessed with the new and wonderful. I like having the latest iPhone and the fastest macbook. I want my screens to be ultra high res and attached to the fastest broadband that money can buy. My camera can not only compose it’s own picture but also light…

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Why Fallout Shelter Is The Creepiest Game Ever

I love my games. My Wii U and I are good friends. Every couple of weeks I play Smash Brothers with a friend’s children, all the while trash talking the youngsters. I really like games on my iPhone. I am not the biggest console game player in the world. A quick hit of social gaming…

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Strange Bedfellows

NOTE: To protect the anonymity of certain persons, places, and things some of the descriptions and activities below have been altered or exagerated.  That being said, the following events are close enough to the truth that this discalimer is probably unnecessary. As a professional comedian I have performed in some very strange venues; including but…

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Six Weeks Is My Measure Of Success

I recently had what I now realize is a rather large success. My next appointment isn’t for six weeks. For those who don’t know, which is probably most people, I have privately struggled with depression for a number of years. It wasn’t until recently that a name was given to my personal rainy day parade….

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My Jurassic Journey

When I was 11 I was in the grocery store checkout line of the Food Lion  when I saw a small magazine called Disney Adventures.  It was the size of a half sheet of paper, and contained articles on things that any 11 year old would want to know about.  This zine was primarily concerned…

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I Owned A Drone For Ten Minutes

I’ve always wanted a drone.  When I was a kid a friend of my father’s flew model airplanes and I thought he was the coolest guy in the world.  A couple of years ago I bought a tiny little toy helicopter that I used to fly around my apartment while pretending I was friends with…

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